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Will I ever feel normal again? I feel so broken, so lost. Like nothing is the same as it used to be and everything around me was flipped upside down. I'm trying so hard to find meaning. Some answers. Nothing's coming. Help isn't on the way and that's the only thing I'm sure of anymore.
I'm struggling. More and more I feel like I'm drowning in this pain and misery. It doesn't go away. All I want is to sleep.

I have it all. I have a son who saved me from a life of shit, possibly death. A son who's made my life worth living. Made my breaths worth taking. I love him more than anything or anyone that has ever walked this precious Earth I stand on.
I have an amazing man that loves me almost as much as I love him. He's beautiful and perfect and he's so wonderful to me. We have fun together and he makes me smile and sometimes he takes the pain away.
Why isn't it enough? I'm so blessed and still I force smiles.

Sex used to be who I WAS. I was made up of desire and lust. It was ALL there was to me. Sex and nerve endings and orgasms. Moans buried into pillows and toes curled in equisite bliss. I don't have any of that now. I don't WANT any of that now. I will do anything to avoid sleeping with my sexy, sweet, amazing boyfriend. I just get angry when he tries. It isn't fair what I'm doing to him. He deserves so much better and I fear if I don't start putting out again real soon he WILL realize that and go out and find better. Even knowing that isn't enough to get my juices flowing. I am pushing away someone I love...

Welcome to Mistress Foxx's Den

Hi. Welcome to my journal. I'm Foxx. If you're privy to my "Friends Only" entries then get ready for some sexually explicit tales :)
If not then this is as far as you'll get with me. Before we go any further how about I tell you a bit about myself.

I'm a young, happy and sexy single mom to a 4 year old boy on the autism spectrum. I have another journal that features that aspect of my life to keep my friends and family updated. My son really won't be mentioned much here...it's more for grown up stuff.
 I have a wonderful slave boy who is constantly at my beck and call. Stick around and you'll get to know him rather intimately as well ;) 

Also, there will be pictures and true stories and experiences. Only people over the age of 18 will be allowed access but I promise you'll never want to leave!

Latest Month

October 2009


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